http://www.poofcat.com/july.html

When people t hink of Red Skelton (born Richard Bernard Skelton) they mostly remember the various funny characters he use to portray like Clem Kadiddlehopper or Freddie "The Freeloader". However there was a very serious side to Mr. Skelton as well. A personal favorite of mine is when he broke down the "Pledge of Allegiance" word by word. No, its not a funny or comical bit of material. It is quite serious and I think its important enough to share with anybody who has enjoyed reading my blogs. So remember this the next time you hear the pledge or look at our flag.

Thank you

Famous April Fool Hoaxes

With Monday being April Fools Day I found the following article to be both interesting and timely. It listed the top 100 hoaxes of all time (as judged by notoriety, absurdity, and number of people duped). I am including the top 10 hoaxes and any others on the list that I find to be of special merit (my opinion) Hope you enjoy them.

#1: The Swiss Spaghetti Harvest In 1957 the respected BBC news show Panorama announced that thanks to a very mild winter and the virtual elimination of the dreaded spaghetti weevil, Swiss farmers were enjoying a bumper spaghetti crop. It accompanied this announcement with footage of Swiss peasants pulling strands of spaghetti down from trees. Huge numbers of viewers were taken in, and many called up wanting to know how they could grow their own spaghetti trees. To this question, the BBC diplomatically replied that they should "place a sprig of spaghetti in a tin of tomato sauce and hope for the best." Check out the actual broadcast archived on the BBC's website (You need the RealVideo player installed to see it, and it usually loads very slowly).

#2: Sidd Finch In its April 1985 edition, Sports Illustrated published a story about a new rookie pitcher who planned to play for the Mets. His name was Sidd Finch and he could reportedly throw a baseball with startling, pinpoint accuracy at 168 mph (65 mph faster than anyone else has ever been able to throw a ball). Surprisingly, Sidd Finch had never even played the game before. Instead, he had mastered the "art of the pitch" in a Tibetan monastery under the guidance of the "great poet-saint Lama Milaraspa." Mets fans everywhere celebrated at their teams's amazing luck at having found such a gifted player, and Sports Illustrated was flooded with requests for more information. But in reality this legendary player only existed in the imagination of the writer of the article, George Plimpton.

#3: Instant Color TV In 1962 there was only one tv channel in Sweden, and it broadcast in black and white. The station's technical expert, Kjell Stensson, appeared on the news to announce that thanks to a newly developed technology, all viewers could now quickly and easily convert their existing sets to display color reception. All they had to do was pull a nylon stocking over their tv screen, and they would begin to see their favorite shows in color. Stensson then proceeded to demonstrate the process. Reportedly, hundreds of thousands of people, out of the population of seven million, were taken in. Actual color tv transmission only commenced in Sweden on April 1, 1970.

#4: The Taco Liberty BellIn 1996 the Taco Bell Corporation announced that it had bought the Liberty Bell from the federal government and was renaming it the Taco Liberty Bell. Hundreds of outraged citizens called up the National Historic Park in Philadelphia where the bell is housed to express their anger. Their nerves were only calmed when Taco Bell revealed that it was all a practical joke a few hours later. The best line inspired by the affair came when White House press secretary Mike McCurry was asked about the sale, and he responded that the Lincoln Memorial had also been sold, though to a different corporation, and would now be known as the Ford Lincoln Mercury Memorial.

#5: San Serriffe In 1977 the British newspaper The Guardian published a special seven-page supplement in honor of the tenth anniversary of San Serriffe, a small republic located in the Indian Ocean consisting of several semi-colon-shaped islands. A series of articles affectionately described the geography and culture of this obscure nation. Its two main islands were named Upper Caisse and Lower Caisse. Its capital was Bodoni, and its leader was General Pica. The Guardian's phones rang all day as readers sought more information about the idyllic holiday spot. Few noticed that everything about the island was named after printer's terminology. The success of this hoax is widely credited with launching the enthusiasm for April Foolery that then gripped the British tabloids in the following decades.

#6: Nixon for PresidentIn 1992 National Public Radio's Talk of the Nation program announced that Richard Nixon, in a surprise move, was running for President again. His new campaign slogan was, "I didn't do anything wrong, and I won't do it again." Accompanying this announcement were audio clips of Nixon delivering his candidacy speech. Listeners responded viscerally to the announcement, flooding the show with calls expressing shock and outrage. Only during the second half of the show did the host John Hockenberry reveal that the announcement was a practical joke. Nixon's voice was impersonated by comedian Rich Little.

#7: Alabama Changes the Value of PiThe April 1998 issue of the New Mexicans for Science and Reason newsletter contained an article claiming that the Alabama state legislature had voted to change the value of the mathematical constant pi from 3.14159 to the 'Biblical value' of 3.0. Before long the article had made its way onto the internet, and then it rapidly made its way around the world, forwarded by people in their email. It only became apparent how far the article had spread when the Alabama legislature began receiving hundreds of calls from people protesting the legislation. The original article, which was intended as a parody of legislative attempts to circumscribe the teaching of evolution, was written by a physicist named Mark Boslough.

#8: The Left-Handed WhopperIn 1998 Burger King published a full page advertisement in USA Today announcing the introduction of a new item to their menu: a "Left-Handed Whopper" specially designed for the 32 million left-handed Americans. According to the advertisement, the new whopper included the same ingredients as the original Whopper (lettuce, tomato, hamburger patty, etc.), but all the condiments were rotated 180 degrees for the benefit of their left-handed customers. The following day Burger King issued a follow-up release revealing that although the Left-Handed Whopper was a hoax, thousands of customers had gone into restaurants to request the new sandwich. Simultaneously, according to the press release, "many others requested their own 'right handed' version."

#9: Hotheaded Naked Ice BorersIn its April 1995 issue Discover Magazine announced that the highly respected wildlife biologist Dr. Aprile Pazzo had discovered a new species in Antarctica: the hotheaded naked ice borer. These fascinating creatures had bony plates on their heads that, fed by numerous blood vessels, could become burning hot, allowing the animals to bore through ice at high speeds. They used this ability to hunt penguins, melting the ice beneath the penguins and causing them to sink downwards into the resulting slush where the hotheads consumed them. After much research, Dr. Pazzo theorized that the hotheads might have been responsible for the mysterious disappearance of noted Antarctic explorer Philippe Poisson in 1837. "To the ice borers, he would have looked like a penguin," the article quoted her as saying. Discover received more mail in response to this article than they had received for any other article in their history.

#10: Planetary Alignment Decreases GravityIn 1976 the British astronomer Patrick Moore announced on BBC Radio 2 that at 9:47 AM a once-in-a-lifetime astronomical event was going to occur that listeners could experience in their very own homes. The planet Pluto would pass behind Jupiter, temporarily causing a gravitational alignment that would counteract and lessen the Earth's own gravity. Moore told his listeners that if they jumped in the air at the exact moment that this planetary alignment occurred, they would experience a strange floating sensation. When 9:47 AM arrived, BBC2 began to receive hundreds of phone calls from listeners claiming to have felt the sensation. One woman even reported that she and her eleven friends had risen from their chairs and floated around the room.

HONORABLE MENTIONS:

#11: UFO Lands in London On March 31, 1989 thousands of motorists driving on the highway outside London looked up in the air to see a glowing flying saucer descending on their city. Many of them pulled to the side of the road to watch the bizarre craft float through the air. The saucer finally landed in a field on the outskirts of London where local residents immediately called the police to warn them of an alien invasion. Soon the police arrived on the scene, and one brave officer approached the craft with his truncheon extended before him. When a door in the craft popped open, and a small, silver-suited figure emerged, the policeman ran in the opposite direction. The saucer turned out to be a hot-air balloon that had been specially built to look like a UFO by Richard Branson, the 36-year-old chairman of Virgin Records. The stunt combined his passion for ballooning with his love of pranks. His plan was to land the craft in London's Hyde Park on April 1. Unfortunately, the wind blew him off course, and he was forced to land a day early in the wrong location.

#20: 15th Annual New York City April Fool’s Day ParadeIn 2000 a news release was sent to the media stating that the 15th annual New York City April Fool's Day Parade was scheduled to begin at noon on 59th Street and would proceed down to Fifth Avenue. According to the release, floats in the parade would include a "Beat 'em, Bust 'em, Book 'em" float created by the New York, Los Angeles, and Seattle police departments. This float would portray "themes of brutality, corruption and incompetence." A "Where's Mars?" float, reportedly built at a cost of $10 billion, would portray missed Mars missions. Finally, the "Atlanta Braves Baseball Tribute to Racism" float would feature John Rocker who would be "spewing racial epithets at the crowd." CNN and the Fox affiliate WNYW sent television news crews to cover the parade. They arrived at 59th Street at noon only to discover that there was no sign of a parade, at which point the reporters realized they had been hoaxed. The prank was the handiwork of Joey Skaggs, an experienced hoaxer. Skaggs had been issuing press releases advertising the nonexistent parade every April Fool's Day since 1986.

#30: Space Shuttle Lands in San DiegoIn 1993 Dave Rickards, a deejay at KGB-FM in San Diego, announced that the space shuttle Discovery had been diverted from Edwards Air Force Base and would instead soon be landing at Montgomery Field, a small airport located in the middle of a residential area just outside of San Diego. Thousands of commuters immediately headed towards the landing site, causing enormous traffic jams that lasted for almost an hour. Police eventually had to be called in to clear the traffic. People arrived at the airport armed with cameras, camcorders, and even folding chairs. Reportedly the crowd swelled to over 1,000 people. Of course, the shuttle never landed. In fact, the Montgomery Field airport would have been far too small for the shuttle to even consider landing there. Moreover, there wasn't even a shuttle in orbit at the time. The police were not amused by the prank. They announced that they would be billing the radio station for the cost of forcing officers to direct the traffic.

#35: Big Ben Goes DigitalIn 1980 the BBC reported that Big Ben, in order to keep up with the times, was going to be given a digital readout. It received a huge response from listeners protesting the change. The BBC Japanese service also announced that the clock hands would be sold to the first four listeners to contact them, and one Japanese seaman in the mid-Atlantic immediately radioed in a bid.

#51: SmellovisionIn 1965 BBC TV featured an interview with a professor who had just invented a device called "smellovision." This miraculous technology allowed viewers to experience directly in their own home aromas produced in the television studio. The professor offered a demonstration by cutting some onions and brewing coffee. A number of viewers called in to confirm that they distinctly experienced these scents as if they were there in the studio with him. Since no aromas were being transmitted, whatever these viewers thought they smelled coming out of their tv sets must be chalked up to the power of suggestion.

#71: Man Flies By Own Lung Power In 1934 the Berliner Illustrirte Zeitung ran an article about a miraculous new invention that allowed men to fly using their lung power as the sole source of propulsion. Users of the device simply blew into a box attached to their chest. This activated rotors that created a powerful suction effect that then lifted the user up into the air. Skis were worn as landing gear. Accompanying the article was a photograph of the device in action. The picture was picked up and widely distributed in the United States by International News Photo.

#93: Eiffel Tower MovesThe Parisien stunned French citizens in 1986 when it reported that an agreement had been signed to dismantle the Eiffle Tower. The international symbol of French culture would then be reconstructed in the new Euro Disney theme park going up east of Paris. In the space where the Tower used to stand, a 35,000 seat stadium would be built for use during the 1992 Olympic Games.

Well, have a good April Fools Day

(A friend sent this to me originally and I got such a kick out of it I thought I'd put it on my blog )

It was only a matter of time before Jeff Foxworthy took a couple of pot shots at Colorado . You are a Coloradoan if ............

1. You switch from "Heat" to "A/C" in one day.

2. You know what the "Peoples Republic of Boulder" means.

3. Your sense of direction is: towards the mountains and away from the mountains.

4. You're a meat-eating vegetarian.

5. The bike on your car is worth more than your car and you have your own special bike lane.
6. You're able to drive 65 miles per hour through 13 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without even flinching.

7. You take your out-of-town guests to Casa Bonita even though you would never go there otherwise.

8 . You think your major food gro ups are granola bars, tofu and Fat Tire beer.

9. You design your kid's Halloween costumes to fit over a snowsuit.

10. You think that sexy lingerie is wool socks and flannel PJs.

11. You know all 4 seasons "almost winter, winter, still winter and spring blizzards

12. You've been tear gassed in a riot to celebrate a CU/CSU victory.

13. You can never figure out why your out-of-town guests faint from altitude sickness on a picnic to the mountains.

14. You can drive over a 12,000-foot pass in 4 feet of snow, but can't get to work if there are 4 inches of snow.

15. You know the 'correct' pronunciation of Buena Vista .

16. When you visit friends at sea level, you can drink a case of beer and not get a buzz.

17. Your car insurance costs more than your car.

18. You have surge protectors on every outlet.

19. April showers bring May blizzards.

20. 'Timberline' is someplace you have actually been.

21. You know what a 'Chinook' is.

22. You know what a 'Rocky Mountain Oyster' is.

23. You know what a "fourteener" is.

24. You don't know what a "turn signal" is.

25. A bear on your front porch doesn't bother you nearly as much as a Republican in Congress does.

26. Your golf bag has a 9-iron, a 3-wood and a lightning rod.

27. You know who Alferd Packer was and what he did.

28. You know who Baby Doe Tabor was.

29. SPF 90 is not out of the question.

30. People from out of state breathe 5 times as often as you do.

31. Having a Senator named Nighthorse doesn't seem strange.

32. Thunder has set off your car alarm.

33. A full moon has never kept you awake at night.

34. You have an $8 00 stereo in your $300 truck.

35. A sudden loss of cabin pressure is not a big deal.

36. You think a red light means 3 more cars can go.

37. Where we're going, we don't need roads!!

38. You know where Doc Holliday's grave is.

39. You know where Buffalo Bill's grave is.

40. You know where the real " South Park " is.

41. You can recognize the license plates of all 50 states on sight.

42. Driving directions usually include 'Go over _________ Pass. '

43. You've 'checked for ticks'

44. You've dressed in shorts, sandals, and a parka with a hood.

45. You've gone snow skiing in July and.....

46. You've played golf in January and.....

47. They were in the same year!

48. You've urinated on the Continental Divide just so it could 'run into both oceans

49. You know what a down slope and an up slope weather pattern is .

50. And the most important: You get a certain feeling of satisfaction from knowing that California and Texas are both downstream.

51. You actually understand these jokes and send them to your Colorado friends

100 meters in 14 years (a story)

(Pictures of Tanya and Kannonji from my story "100 meters in 14 years")

One of the joy's of my life is writing stories. Over the years I've written many though most have become lost. Then in the late 1990's thanks to better computers I started saving these tales. Today I want to share with you one of my personal favorites. It is based on a Japanese anime called "Battle Athlete's" The two main character's of this tale is the reporter for Osaka TV Kannonji and a female runner named Tanya Natdhipytadd. The idea for this story came about because of two people I idolized as athlete's. One is Mary Decker a middle distance runner who while being one of America's best female runners never won an Olympic gold medal. The 2ND was John Elway QB of the Denver Bronco's who didn't win a Super Bowl until his 15Th season. I began to wonder how Miss Decker's career would have been perceived if she had won that gold medal in the 1984 games instead of crashing due to the incident with Romania's Zola Budd. After that the story began to write itself in it's initial draft. Afterwards my sister did some proofreading for me and gave me suggestions to make it better. Of all that I've written this tale has a special place in my heart. I hope you enjoy it.

Here is the link

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2967378/1/

Crushes (in honor of Valentines Day)

(pictures from left to right - Miss Elizabeth, Mary Decket (in the lead), Jacklyn Smith, Dawn Wells (with Bob Denver)

In a couple of weeks it'll be Valentine's Day. A day that has traditionally depressed me. So far I've managed to avoid the pre-Valentine's day funk I normally go into at this period of time. I get told by friends and family that it is nothing more than a manufactured holiday which granted is true but when you work in a place where so many people talk about what they'll do on that night. To see all the cards and letters that come through the post office it is difficult not to get crabby about not having a girlfriend.

I recently started thinking about about the types of women that I've had crushes on over the years. It seems they are quite varied in physical attributes. The closest thing that most of them have in common is they are in the field of athletics, or at least look quite athletic.

It is said that one never forgets their first crush. For me that crush was of Dawn Well's (picture #1) best known to legions of fan's as Mary Ann from Gilligan's Island. I was first attracted to the character that she portrayed then years later I became enchanted with the women who played her. The character appealed to me because of the relationship she had with Gilligan (Bob Denver). No matter how badly he loused up a rescue. No matter what manner of stupidity he committed she still cared deeply for him. Year's later I had the honor of meeting Ms. Wells at a book signing. As I waited for her to sign "The Mary Ann-Gilligan's Island Cookbook" I had bought I blurted out that she was my first crush and that she still was. She got up and gave me a peck kiss on the cheek. For a moment I swore my knee's were going to buckle. She is one of only three crushes who I ever meet, and the only one I ever got to talk to.

It wasn't until I became an adult that I found another women who I had fallen head over heels for. Her name was Jacklyn Smith who played Kelly Garrett in the show Charlie's Angel's. Back then Farrah Fawcett was considered the prettiest of the angel's but there was something about Ms. Smith that appealed to me. The more I learned about the actress the more it charmed me. For example she had studied to be a ballerina but something about her legs (I think it was a trick knee) ended that career for her.

Around the same time I was also falling for certain athlete's as well. Middle distance runner Mary Decker, who in an era where a lot of female runners seemed to look more manly then the men looked very feminine and lady-like. Around the same time I was in the navy and was stationed in Norfolk, Virginia. There I was a regular attendee of basketball games for the Old Dominion Lady Monarch's where I had crushes on two of their players. Center Anne Donovan and Nancy Liebermann (sorry couldn't find any good pictures to post). I would do my best to get my ticket's behind the Lady Monarch bench so I could get a good view of these two even if it was only of their leg's and back's when they weren't on the court.

Other crushes over the year's include people from professional wrestling Rockin' Robin, Miss Elizabeth, Kimberly Page and Dark Journey. In the case of Rockin' Robin, Kimberly Page and Dark Journey the crush was for physical reason's only. In the case of Miss Elizabeth it was a case of the persona of her character that got to me first. The "Damsel in distress." she often played with her then husband Randy 'Macho Man" Savage turned out to be very close to her real life as I learned much later . When she died it actually hurt a bit. That may sound silly but it is still true. Especially when I heard of the way she died, from a mixture of alcohol and pain medications she was taking due to injuries she had received during her wrestling era.

I'm sure some psychiatrist could have fun trying to map the mind of a person who has these ladies for crushes and what they might mean. Currently there is no well known personality who I have a crush on at this time. Though there are some women at work who I do feel quite strongly about. Only problem is they're all married or involved. I won't mention their names to prevent them from any embarassment but my family knows who two of them are quite well.

With that my first blog on my own site is done. "The Lip" has nothing more to say today.

The Teacher Movie

A friend sent me this movie. It moved me. It also make me cry. I send it to all of you hoping it does the same for you. Click on: http://www.teachermovie.com/